August 13^th 2024: Thinking abt letting go, death, & making space for something new…

FIRST - thank you to everyone who has subbed to this newsletter. Seriously, I am elated and full of so much gratitude that people found it worthwhile to do so and could cry (and do) every time I’m notified that someone does sign up. I can’t promise I know exactly what this newsletter situation will entail, but I can foresee it being a place where I share my thoughts that lead to art, thoughts that don’t, and the happenings in my “artist” life.

✷ ✷ ✷

Before I can share the big bang of the news I’m going to drop in this first newsletter, I need to go back in time and talk about the beginning of my tatu journey. In the wild year of 2020, I was finishing a bachelor degree which I didn’t find joy in, starting my tatting journey, learning a lot about my spirituality, finding my purpose, and on the road of life recovery. It was a lot. But I know that year was a turning point for many. At the time, I did my tatu work out of my home and mainly did stuff for friends and friends of friends. One of the tats I did back then was a custom piece for a new friend (who is now a dear friend <3) and the importance of that tatu will probably stay with me until I die.

The friend asked me to create a tatu that honours the number 13. Before this tatu, the only association I had with the number 13 was that it was known as a “bad luck” or “spooky” number in the West. Upon chatting with this friend and engaging in dialogue about what the number meant to them, I learnt that they associated the number with death and that on the 13th of each month they honour this day by thinking deeply on the role of death, what in their life they need to let go of, and on the role of transformation. It was perhaps one of the first times in my life I heard the impact of death spoken about in a positive manner.

Fast forward to present day and on the 13th of August 2024, I found my attention focusing on the lesson I learned from this dear friend. Since tattooing them four years ago, my tattooing journey has grown and I’m so grateful to all the people, friends and strangers, strangers who have become friends and vice versa… who have let me permanently place my art on them. My tattooing journey encouraged me to build up my self-esteem and my love for life, two areas I gravely struggled with for about a decade of my life prior to tatting. It was also taught me a lot about boundaries, my needs, and what are my emotional, psychic, and physical limits. I met so many incredible people in this community and have shared many great and many awkward experiences under someones else’s needle.

But, on August 13th I took the time to honestly think about how my relationship with tattooing has really changed over the past year. I left the studio I use to be apart of since 2021 at the beginning of summer 2023, the freedom of independence allowed me to think more deeply about the types of images/designs I was making and what spaces I entered to do tatus. The downside to being studio-less was that I no longer had a steady place to work and an environment that perpetually encouraged “the hustle”. Because being a tatu artist post-2020 is a hustle, it’s gig work. The social media game being the biggest playground of the hustle. Annnd the reason why I’m “pushing” the shift to primarily communicate through newsletter is because I really can’t with socials. Before tatting, I was already divesting from IG (even though I wasn’t aware then that that’s what I was doing) and having to swing back into using it daily really did a number on my well-being. I love the access to opportunity and the connection socials offer but, anyone who has taken time off of there might understand this, when you return to going on there… it’s too much information at once. Within seconds, it’s a plethora of info and emotions with no time to digest. And of recently, it’s also a giant source for META’s generative AI, which most apps are these days. It’s the lack of obvious and clear consent for me tbh.  

So, on the 13th of Aug, I honestly checked in with myself and made the decision to officially say goodbye to my tattooing practice as I know it and put it on an indefinite pause. I sent out emails to all the lovely folks who entrusted me with deposits and told them of my decision and gave them the opportunity to get their money back. Even writing this I feel quite sad since I have so, so, so, much love for tattooing. But. Alas. I’ve been feeling like something needs to change with this practice for a while. Besides the social media hustle, I wasn’t feeling the same joy. I realized that tattooing is tied quite deeply to my spirituality and the way I’ve been tattooing has felt like those two things are separate when they’re not.

The only practice I am currently offering to the public is tarot readings. Tarot is a private practice I’ve been doing since 2020 (it was introduced to me thru my sister and thank god she did readings for me). Before 2020, I was aware of tarot but always had a weariness about it in the back of my mind because growing up, my mom always expressed fear about using the cards and about people who did (which is now a big LOL for me). After my sister did a few readings for me while I was on my life recovery journey, I learned to do it for myself through doing daily readings, researching online about the cards, reading books, and talking about it with my sister and friends. In 2022, I felt confident and ready to offer this medicine that greatly helped me to strangers, but I would only offer it at markets maybe once or twice a summer. In December of 2023, my laptop got stolen from me car (which sucked), but that theft pushed me to formally offer this service to the public (which I’m so glad I have!). I really, really, really, love offering readings for people. It has the intimacy and trust that tatu spaces curate, but my attention can actually be 1OO% on the conversation and not on the needle in my hand that I’m focused on only pushing into the first few layers of your epidermis. I love offering a space where internal issues can be addressed, seen, and worked to be unwoven. If you would like to read more about my practice, you can here. And if you desire, you can book a reading with me here.

There are other things I want to discuss: my thoughts and feelings that have stemmed from witnessing the global attention on palestine, the books I’ve been reading (book club? haha), the importance of partying but the struggle to find a “good party,” the necessity of food justice and what I’ve learned being connected to so many earth workers… but that would make this a thousand times longer… until next time then.

✷ ✷ ✷

Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed what you read here, feel free to forward it to someone who may enjoy reading these types of emails in their inbox.

Below are other independent or local writers who I enjoy getting emails from to avoid being chained to socials:

• Friday things by Stacy Lee Kong (smart & compassionate pop culture analysis)

• The Grind Mag (radical independent mag and offers free physical copies avail all around TO!)

• SapphSociety (journal-like observations and stories from a great trans/black/caribbean mind)

• Bonesthrown (deeply mindful thoughts or interviews about the body and our relations to earth and each other)

much love,

carah (care-rah) ♡